Many years ago a strange comet appeared in the sky. It struck the Earth and out of the crater crawled a child. From nearby woods came a mysterious and enchanted people, they took the child as their own and taught him the ways of the forest, but soon it was time for him to leave.

An hour later he was bitten by a monkey. As he tried to fight the effects of the monkey venom he lost his footing and stumbled into a swamp of toxic waste. When he emerged he had gained special powers. From that moment on he was able to fight off the most ferocious monkey attack and do kung fu.

Armed with his new skills he spent his time fighting the forces of evil. Many came to destroy him but he could not be defeated, so they hit him with a car. Left for dead scientists took his body to a secret lab and rebuilt him using old fridge parts. He promptly escaped and disappeared underground.

 

His whereabouts remained unknown...that is until now...

 

So there goes Porter off into the night there goes Porter fighting for whats right, he could be cleaning up streets of every criminal he meets, it's unlikely but you never know he might.

He'd tell them all about,

A fighting evil, breedingweevils, a flying pony, a hedge called Tony, magic pants, a sinister dance, Norwegian milkmen in a trance, chaos at the dairy, how to steal a prairie, a local craftsman getting all lairy, a bell ringer, a roast dinner, a blind bookies guide dog trying to pick a winner.

There goes Porter with a message for you and me there goes Porter he wants all the world to see that now and forever, we should work for peace together as long as there's nothing good on th tv.

But if there wasn't he would tell them about,

solid wood flannels, secret panels, jelly steeple, dust people, a greyhounds eyes, crystal pies,special pans,old mans hands,how to hide your relatives in home made flans, dust 'em down with flour, leave them for an hour, a platinum peg, a broom stick leg, a clumsy bar maid trapped in a keg.

There goes Porter he left me tangled in mind-string there goes Porter like a eagle on the wing although he can't really fly he would pretty much die if he chucked himself off a really high thing.

But up in heaven he'd tell the angels about,

Exploiding bricks, whittling sticks, a useful tunnel, a musical funnel, an angry hen, gadgets for business men, like collapsible whores, trimming dragon claws, laser guided puppies with heat seeking paws, tramps on a dump, a colourful hump, as a thirsty child steals the village pump.

 

Oh, he's gone.